Editor’s Choice: Our Man of The Year

Sourav Chandi Ganguly is sure a case study for students of management in areas of perseverance and unfailing self-confidence.

Ganguly’s self confidence isn’t a recent development. After that series in England where he displayed his maiden batting exuberance on the international scene, on top of his homecoming was the hush hush marriage to childhood sweetheart Dona, without the proverbial blessings of his parents.

Asked by media persons why he was in such a hurry he furnished Team India’s busy itinerary in the months ahead…such was the level of his confidence … then just a “rookie”.

It is difficult to find Indian sportsmen with such enduring zeal. There is one example that do come to mind though – Mohinder Lala Amarnath but Daddy has perhaps overtaken Jimmy on this one.

(Offline, Volume-5, No- 1, December 2006)

Brand MW

“The idea is to constantly endeavor to act as a reliable support service for the corporate whether it be in the area of executive training or in executive search or HR/Supply Chain consulting. We are rigorously endeavoring to align responsiveness with above average quality of service in the backdrop of an ethos built over 6 years on trust and transparency. And…we haven’t ever lost our sense of humor in the process”

RAJIB KUMAR, CEO, MATERIAL WORLD GROUP

Hindi Chini Bhai Bhai- A “Toast” To Sino-Indian Friendship

Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan?

Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.

Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!

Operator: Yes I understand you want to speak to anyone. You can
speak to me. Who is this?

Caller: I'm Sam Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's
urgent.

Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone!
But what's this urgent matter about?

Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noe
Wan was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now

Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on
his way to the hospital.


Operator: Look; if no one was injured and no one was sent to the
hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find
this hilarious but I don't have time for this!

Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?

Operator: I'm Saw Ree.

Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!

Operator: That's what I said. I'm Saw Ree.

Caller: Oh...God...

Good Wan! (Good One!)!!

(Offline Humor, Volume 1, No 5, December 2006)

Difference Between Appraisal and Resignation

A newly joined trainee engineer asks his boss "what is the meaning of appraisal?"

Boss: "Do you know the meaning of resignation?"

Trainee: "Yes I do"

Boss: "So let me make you understand what an appraisal is by comparing it with resignation"

Comparative study: Appraisal and Resignation In an appraisal meeting they will speak only about your weakness, errors and failures.

In a resignation meeting they will speak only about your strengths, past achievements and success. In an appraisal you may need to cry and beg for even 10% hike.

In resignation you can easily demand (or get even without asking) more than 50-60% hike. During an appraisal, they will deny promotion saying you didn't meet the expectation, you don't have leadership qualities, and you had several drawbacks in the company’s objective/goal.
During resignation, they will say you are the core member of team; you are the vision of the company, how can you go, you have to take the project on your shoulder and lead your juniors to success. There is 90% chance for not getting any significant incentives after appraisal. There is 90% chance of getting immediate hike after you file your resignation.

(Sent by Kavitha Raman)

Offline Humor, Volume 1, No 5, December 2006

MENTAL HEALTH – A CASE STUDY FROM NEVADA, US

Offline carried a special feature on the occasion of Mental Health Day in its previous edition. This is a sequel to the same, an in-depth look at happenings in the American state of Nevada. This report stems from the Justice & Democracy forum on the Leading Social Indicators in Nevada that took place on November 5, 2004, at the William S. Boyd School of Law. The report, the first of its kind for the Silver State, has been a collaborative effort of the University of Nevada faculty, Clark County professionals, and state of Nevada officials. Many of the findings are of special significance in the Indian context, especially the areas on delays in service delivery and children and youth Disorders.

Offline thanks Dr. Dmitri Shalin, Professor and Director at the UNLV Center for Democratic Culture, University of Nevada, Las Vegas for giving us prompt permission to reproduce the report. Offline would love to have your views and feedback on the report. - Editor

The Social Health of Nevada: Leading Indicators and Quality of Life in the Silver State

Dmitri N. Shalin, ed. CDC Publications, 2006.

Dr. Shalin is a Professor of sociology; director, UNLV Center for Democratic Culture; organized several international conferences on Russian society, culture, and art; research interests and publications are in the area of social theory, pragmatism, democratic culture, and emotional intelligenceand publications are in the area of social theory, pragmatism, democratic culture, and emotional intelligence.

Offline (The Material World Online Management Journal) Volume-4, No- 12, November 2006

Scrabbled Words

DORMITORY:When you rearrange the letters:DIRTY ROOM
PRESBYTERIAN:When you rearrange the letters:BEST IN PRAYER
ASTRONOMER:When you rearrange the letters:MOON STARER
DESPERATION:When you rearrange the letters:A ROPE ENDS IT
THE EYES:When you rearrange the letters:THEY SEE
THE MORSE CODE:When you rearrange the letters:HERE COME DOTS
SLOT MACHINES:When you rearrange the letters:CASH LOST IN ME
ANIMOSITY:When you rearrange the letters:IS NO AMITY
ELECTION RESULTS:When you rearrange the letters:LIES - LET'S RECOUNT
MOTHER-IN-LAW:When you rearrange the letters:WOMAN HITLER
A DECIMAL POINT:When you rearrange the letters:IM A DOT IN PLACE
THE EARTHQUAKES:When you rearrange the letters:THAT QUEER SHAKE

(Offline Humor, Volume 1, No 3, October 2006, Sent by Rajesh Poddar)

Of terms & terminology

Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower...

College: A place where some pursue learning and others learn pursuing girls.

Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool on the other.

Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present

Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Dictionary: A place where divorce comes before marriage.

Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.

Ecstasy: A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.

Classic: A book, which people praise, but do not read.

Smile: - A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Office: - A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Yawn: - The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Etc.: - A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Committee: - Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Experience: - The name men give to their mistakes.

Atom Bomb: - An invention to end all inventions.

Philosopher: - A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

Diplomat: - A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

Opportunist: - A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

Optimist: A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."

Pessimist: - A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.

Miser: - A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

Father: - A banker provided by nature.

Criminal: - A guy no different from the rest of us. Except that he got caught.

Boss: - Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Politician: - One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.

Doctor: - A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.

(Offline Humor, Volume 1, No 3, October 2006)

Monkey Business

There was an interesting experiment that started with five monkeys in a cage. A banana hung inside the cage with a set of steps placed underneath it. After a while, a monkey went to the steps and started to climb towards the banana, but when he touched the steps, he set off a spray that soaked all the other monkeys with cold water. Another monkey tried to reach the banana with the same result. It didn't take long for the monkeys to learn that the best way to stay dry was to prevent any monkey from attempting to reach the banana.

The next stage of the experiment was to remove the spray from the cage and to replace one of the monkeys with a new one. Of course, the new monkey saw the banana and went over to climb the steps. To his horror, the other monkeys attacked him. After another attempt, he learnt that if he touched the steps, he would be assaulted.

Next, another of the original five was replaced with a new monkey. The newcomer went to the steps and was attacked. The previous newcomer joined in the attack with enthusiasm!

Then, a third monkey was replaced with a new one and then a fourth. Every time a newcomer approached the steps, he was attacked. Most of the monkeys beating him had no idea why they were not allowed to climb the steps or why they were joining in the beating of the newest monkey.

After replacing the fifth monkey, none of the monkeys had ever been sprayed with water. Still, no monkey ever approached the steps. Why not?

Because as far as they knew it was the way it had always been done around here

........................... And that is how company policy begins.

(Offline Humor, Volume 1, No 3, October 2006, Sent by Rajesh Poddar, Director, Calicut Engg Works Ltd)

Material World Anniversary Debate Series 2006

Material World CEO Rajib Kumar delivering the welcome address

Dr. Nazrul Islam, IPS, Inspector General of Police, WB (Enforcement), releasing
Annual Offline 2006 (Print Edition # 2) as Rajib Kumar looks on

Rajib Kumar moderating MW Anniversary Debate 2006; on his right is Biswajit Matilal,
Secretary, Celebrations Committee. To their right, the “for” team (L to R) Dipak Rudra,
IAS (Retd), Prof Amit Sengupta, Director, Eastern Institute of Management and Barun Das,
Divisional Head (Legal) & Company Secretary, Exide Industries

For Germany, For English's Sake

New Euro Language in the works"The European Union commissioners have announced that an agreement has beenreached to adopt English as the preferred language for Europeancommunications, rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British government conceded that Englishspelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phasedplan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).

In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c". Sertainly,sivil servants will resieve this news with joy.

Also, the hard "c" will be replased with "k". Not only will this klear upkonfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when thetroublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f". This will make words like"fotograf" 20 per sent shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted toreach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have alwaysben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the languag isdisgrasful, and they would go.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such asreplasing "th" by "z" and "w" by "v".

During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining"ou", and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations ofleters.Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zeyvunted in ze forst place. Sieg Heil!"

(Sent by Rajesh Poddar, Offline Humor, Vol 1, No 2, July 2006)

Of Love & Jargons

A Professor at one of the IIM's was explaining marketing concepts to his Students: -

1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" - That's Direct Marketing

2. You’re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: "He’s very rich. Marry him." - That's Advertising

3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day, you call and say: "Hi, I’m very rich. Marry me." - That's Telemarketing
4. You’re at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car) for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then say: "By the way, I’m rich. Will you marry me?" - That's Public Relations

5. You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says: "You are very rich! Can you marry me?" - That's Brand Recognition

6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. - That's Customer Feedback

7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband. - That's demand and supply gap

8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say anything, another person come and tells her: "I’m rich. Will you marry me?" And she goes with him. - That's competition eating into your market share

9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say: "I'm rich, Marry me!" your wife arrives. - That's restriction for entering new markets

(Sent by Kavitha Raman, NSE, Offline Humor, Vol 1, No 2, July 2006)

Of Trees & Rain

Among the various problems that India faces, the most serious problem is that of misuse of natural resources. Today our country is having a vast mineral, forest & water resource. Our nation has suffered huge loses both economically & socially. The major problem now is drought & if the forest & mineral resources would have been utilized properly there would have been a huge generation of employment & revenues.

In India the areas of Rajasthan, Madhya Pradesh & Orissa are severe drought affected region. If we analyze the data we can find that it’s rural India that is most affected. The rural population largely depends on the natural resource. Due to drought there is a sharp decline of resources. This has serious implications on the economic & social front.

Drought in India is the result of poor water management since no sincere effort is made to conserve the rainwater. This also results in poor agriculture. Simultaneously, there are huge deforestations going on. Houses and factories are set up not realizing the after effects. The most important reason for all this problem is the lackadaisical attitude of government & misuse of govt. funds.

Inspite of all odds there are some examples where people have got together to show that concerted efforts by dedicated people does lead to economic resurrection and prosperity. Rajiv Gandhi Water Shed and several NGO’S have come to the forefront to improve the situation.

“ Every cloud has a silver lining”, that’s what the people of a small village in the Alwar district of Rajasthan has proved. The village is recognized for its outstanding contribution to rainwater harvesting. People built mud dams or “johads” to stop wasteful drain of rainwater.

Afforestation was carried out. Uncultivable land was converted to cultivable land.

Illegal felling of trees should be stopped. The natural resources like minerals should be utilized properly. Govt. should take measures to stop the pilferage of minerals. There should not be any slack time of collection & delivery of raw materials to the industry. So above all 3 points have to be remembered: -

Economic well being of a community of a country is related to the natural resource.

Decentralization & people participation are always essential.

Literacy & awareness among the village folks is essential.

Govt. should take up the following measures: -

o Implementation & monitoring of the programmes.
o Making the water management policy more equitable.
o There should be full financial & legislative support.
o Emphasizing the significance of interdepartmental cooperation for a successful programme.

Such developmental policies have already taken place in Rural India. But there is need to make this an all-encompassing movement to prevent further loss. Effective management of the natural resource will lead to reduction of poverty & generation of employment.

Mainak Gupta, Offline (The Material World Online Management Journal) Volume-4, No- 7, June 2006

The State of The Mind

Psychology – Scientific study of human & animal behavior and mental processes.

Behavior-Anything that a person does (writing, thinking, etc.)

Behavior may be overt meaning anything that is observable and measurable or covert, something that cannot be measured e.g. mental representation of the world, i.e. memory, strategies, and attitudes.

Modern Schools of Psychology

Psychodynamic approach- this is concerned with motives, conflicts and other forces that influence over behavior. The guiding factor being that most things are done in the unconscious state. Understanding just how much our world was changed because of Freud's work can just be difficult to grasp (or worth an MW debate!), but fact is we are immersed in a world of Freudian concepts. Every time we make reference to doing something "unconsciously", or refer to someone as having a big "ego", we are after all using Freudian terms.

Behavioral Approach: (Erickson, Skinner, Watson et al) – According to Watson, people learn by conditioning. Examples: going to school; induction process for a new corporate recruit. Infact, Watson claimed that psychology was not concerned with the mind or with human consciousness.

Skinner said that people learn by re-enforcement.

According to studies:

* It takes 30 days for our brain to establish or understand a new idea or concept.
* At around 90 days of consistent behavior, a new fragile pattern starts to run automatically.
* Miss a day during this 90-day training period and the brain kicks back to day one.
* At a year your new lifestyle is stable and you have new behaviors that you will find pleasant and comfortable. This new pattern is not like the old behaviors of the past. Your new habits continue to need low-level re-enforcement on into the future or they will revert back to the old ones.

Humanistic Psychology/Phenomenological (Carl Rogers, Abraham Maslowe et al)

Here we are talking about Problems, Potential & Ideals. Humanists reject the Freudian idea that unconscious forces rule personality. Humanists have immense faith in human nature. They say that human nature is in general good (what does law keepers have to say about this?). Though this school has gone (and is going) through lot of flux, the most notable contribution is Maslowe’s "hierarchy of needs."

Cognitive Approach: Proponents of the cognitive approach say that what people think will affect what they do. This approach is concerned with thinking, knowing, understanding, and information processing. Cognitive approach, thus, has special significance for educators/trainers. The following link may be of interest to readers: http://faculty.washington.edu/krumme/guides/bloom1.html

Neurobiological Approach: According to this school there are psychological processes that’ll explain behavior. Influence of hormones and genes are predominant. For e.g., a victim of an accident may undergo some behavioral changes. More than anything, neurobiological approach is useful in providing basic data for Cognitive Psychology.

(Credits: Prof W. Slater, my Psychology Professor at Ohio, US, whose discourses acquainted me to the power of the human mind)

Rajib Kumar, Offline (The Material World Online Management Journal) Volume-4, No- 7, June 2006

Material World Anniversary Debate Series 2006

MW instituted the Material World Anniversary Management/Tech Debate Series in 2004. The theme of the 1st in the series was “Good Managers Need Not Be B School Graduates” and the second was “For the Indian-Commerce Is A Far Off Dream”.

August 31, 2004 – Topic “Good Managers Need Not Be B School Graduates”

Chief Guest: Mr. Dipak Rudra, Fmrly, Transport Secretary, Govt of West Bengal
Speakers: Dr. G D Gautama, Principal IT Secretary, Govt of WB, Mr. D P Patra, Jt. MD, MCC PTA Corp Pvt Ltd, Mr. Santanu Bhattacharya, Executive Director (Materials), CESC Ltd etc.

August 31, 2005 – Topic “ For the Indian, E-Commerce Is A Far Off Dream”

Chief Guest: Prof (Dr.) Sujit Basu, Vice Chancellor, Vishwa Bharati University
Speakers: Ms. Preeti Desai, President, Internet & Mobile Association of India, Dr. G D Gautama, Principal IT Secretary, Govt of WB, Mr. Khokan Mookerji, Secretary General, Bengal Chambers of Commerce & Industry, D K Chaudhuri, CEO, Skytech Solutions, Dr. Abhijit Sen, Past President, Bengal Chambers etc.



MATERIAL WORLD ANNIVERSARY DEBATE SERIES 2006- August 31, 2006

For India Inc, Corporate Social Responsibility is Just another Jargon

Corporate social responsibility (CSR) is an expression used to describe what some see as a company’s obligation to be sensitive to the needs of all of the stakeholders- in its business operations -and that includes subsidiaries and affiliates, partners, local neighborhood, investors and shareholders.
CSR is closely linked with the principles of "Sustainable Development" in proposing that enterprises should be obliged to make descisions based not only on the financial factors but also on the social and environmental consequences of their activities.

CSR policies should ideally be built on transparency, stakeholder dialogue, and integrity in the conduct of business.

Today’s heightened interest in the proper role of businesses in society has been promoted by increased sensitivity to environmental and ethical issues. Issues like environmental damage, improper treatment of workers, and faulty production leading to customers inconvenience or danger, are highlighted in the media. In many advanced nations government regulations regarding environmental and social issues have become stringent in recent years. Again, some investors and investment fund managers have begun to take account of a corporation’s CSR policy in making investment decisions. Further, some consumers have become increasingly sensitive to the CSR performance of the companies from which they buy their goods and services. These trends have contributed to the pressure on companies to operate in an economically, socially and environmentally sustainable way. But is India Inc doing enough?

Internationally, many corporate houses now bring out annual reports describing how they fared on the environmental and social responsibilities front. McDonald, as an example, participates in the National Spring Clean Campaign and in 1989 they set up the Ronald McDonald Children’s Charities. Among other things, this charity funds around 200 “Ronald McDonald Houses”, which provide free accommodation to the families of children in hospital. There other companies as well like BP, Body Shop, which report annually on environmental and social initiatives.

It is easy to imagine the improved standards our social environment could flourish in, when corporations overwhelmingly decide to step forward with investments in shouldering obligations on social investment more eagerly. Not that this ancient land is being exposed to the concept of corporate social responsibility for the first time. Or, the concept itself is a phenomenon being borrowed from the west ever since globalization has taken on the fast track. Ancient Indian history has innumerable instances of businessmen and traders taking up community benefit projects all on their own, to ensure that the community gets a share of the monetary gains businesses make, in the form of better life. Even Chanakya the economist, had advocated reinvestment of wealth in the community for social progress. So where and when did we Indians misplace our conscientious identity? Is it attitudinal indifference or is it simply the ignorance and nonchalance syndrome. Indian entrepreneurs have the best of corporate minds and stand shoulder to shoulder with the finest breed in the world. They are the living legends. They are not just industrialists but they are also men with a mission – to do good to society. But are they doing enough on this?

Industrial safety, supporting local development and combating poverty, AIDS and environmental stewardship are some of the critical challenges that India Inc face today.

CSR is a relatively new term to have found increasing international legitimacy as today’s way of doing business. In developing countries, this term is widely used by the corporate to convince the people that things have changed and that a new ethical global business practice is underway. However, the ground realities show that industry’s idea of ethical business has not changed much from the days of Union Carbide disaster of 1984. In March 2000, a leading MNC’s high profile India operations was found to have dumped over 300 MT of mercury outside its plant at Kodaikanal in South India (Source toxicslink.org)
On the other hand companies like Canon India says in its website that it understands its Social Responsibility as a good Corporate Citizen and endeavors to make meaningful contributions to the society in several areas like Humanitarian Aid and Disaster Relief, Social Welfare and Conservation of Environment.

CSR, if applied in its true sense, can be an opportunity of bringing a level of accountability into the business.

For business associations & advertisements in Annual Offline (the MW e-zine) # 2 please call Silajit – 09433116526/ Dipannita – 9831213393or mail at events@materialworldind.com

RELATIONSHIP EXERCISE

A lady walked into a drug store and told the pharmacist she needed some cyanide. The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady then explained she needed it to poison her husband. The pharmacist's eyes got big and he said, "Lord have mercy, I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license... They'll throw both of us in jail and all kinds of bad things will happen! Absolutely not! You can NOT have any cyanide!"

Then the lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband having dinner in a restaurant with pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well, now... You didn't tell me you had a prescription".

Offline Humor, Inaugural Edition, June 2006

Marriage Musings

All abt marriage!!Man before marriage and when in love - Superman. Immediately after marriage -Gentleman. 10 years after marriage - Doorman 20 years after marriage - Doberman ³
Every man should get married some time; after all, happiness is not the only thing in life!! --Anonymous³
Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others. --Oscar Wilde³ Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper. --Scottish Proverb³
I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years. --Sam Kinison³
A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free. --Anonymous³
Men have a better time than women; for one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier. --H. L. Mencken³
Marriage is a three-ring circus: ---engagement ring ---wedding ring ---suffering³
When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why. When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why. ³
Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener. ³
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.³
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" She said, "Somewhere I have never been!" I told her, "How about the kitchen?"³
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.³
She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?"³
Following her down the street I yelled, "No, jump in!" ³Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn’t, they’d be married too. --H.L.Mencken ³
*She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. *Then the mud fell off. ³
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?³
The Dog of course..........at least he'll shut up after you let him in!³
" Marriage is a romantic story, in which hero dies in the first chapter.³
It was told, "Marriages are made in heaven…but so are thunders.

(Sent by Rajesh Poddar, Calicut Engg Works Ltd)

Offline Humor, Inaugural Edition, June 2006

RELATIONSHIP EXERCISE

A lady walked into a drug store and told the pharmacist she needed some cyanide. The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady then explained she needed it to poison her husband. The pharmacist's eyes got big and he said, "Lord have mercy, I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license... They'll throw both of us in jail and all kinds of bad things will happen! Absolutely not! You can NOT have any cyanide!"

Then the lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband having dinner in a restaurant with pharmacist's wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well, now... You didn't tell me you had a prescription".

Offline Humor, Inaugural Edition, June 2006

INTERNET EDITION

A couple of my regular readers complained when writing on contemporary issues I’ve been outright pessimistic…so I told myself lets shell out something positive this time.

I wonder how many of us have actually realized how the Internet has begun to change our lives in recent times. I am still skeptical about the viability of ecommerce in India (Preeti et al wont forgive me for that) but think about how many other ways the Internet has made a difference.

The mind of the married woman demands Pizza at about 2300 hrs one fateful day (err. night). There ain’t any fliers at hand but I have my 24 * 7 Internet enabled system in front of me. “Pizza Kolkata” in my favorite search engine… Bingo…u’ve got a host of options sitting pretty in front of you. The phone connects. The Pizza is delivered in 30 minutes and the mind of the married man is saved for the night from being messed.

No joke…and I remember my school buddy Rajesh Poddar’s (Director of the Kolkata based Calicut Engg Works) piece on Customer Service (Offline April 2006) when I call a couple of days later. The soft utterance of my phone number generates my name, address and ….the absence of a landmark… which was now sought (might’ve caused a problem on the first occasion)…but that’s another story.

During last year’s MW Anniversary Celebrations we are unable to locate a re-christened street name where one of our esteemed speakers lived. Instead of cursing, I type the name of street in the search engine. Bingo…I’ve got the details of a well-known corporate house located on the same street…yep! I have tracked my speaker’s locality.

Stay Online!!

Rajib Kumar, Offline (The Material World Online Management Journal) Volume-4, No- 6, May 2006

Customer Service, Year 2020

Operator: "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your..."
Customer: "Heloo, can I order.."
Operator: "Can I have your multi purpose card number first, Sir?"
Customer: "It's eh... hold..........on...889861356102049998-45-54610"
Operator: "OK... you're... Mr Singh and you're calling from 17 M G Road.
Your home number is 4094! 2366, your office 76452302 and your mobile is 142662566. Which number are you calling from now Sir?"
Customer: "Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?
Operator: "We are connected to the system Sir"
Customer: "May I order your Seafood Pizza..."
Operator: "That's not a good idea Sir"
Customer: "How come?"
Operator: "According to your medical records, you have high blood
pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir"
Customer: "What? What do you recommend then?"
Operator: "Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it"
Customer: "How do you know for sure?"
Operator: "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Hokkien Dishes" from the National Library last week Sir"
Customer: "OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then, how much will that cost?"
Operator: "That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total is $49.99"
Customer: "Can I pay by! credit card?"
Operator: "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is
over the limit and you owe your bank $3,720.55 since October last year.
That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir."
Customer: "I guess I have to run to the neighborhood ATM and withdraw
some cash before your guy arrives"
Operator: "You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've reached your daily
limit on machine withdrawal today"
Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready. How
long is it gonna take anyway?"
Operator: "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always
come and collect it on your motorcycle..."
Customer: " What!"
Operator: "According to the details in system, you own a
Scooter...registration number 1123..."
Customer: " ????"
Operator: "Is there anything else Sir?"
Customer: "Nothing... by the way... aren't you giving me that 3 free
bottles of cola as advertised?"
Operator: "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're also
diabetic... "
Customer: #$$^%&$@$% ^
Operator: "Better watch your language Sir. Remember on 15th July 1987 you
were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman...?"
Customer: (faints.................)
(Sent by Rajesh Poddar, Director, Calicut Engg Works Ltd, Kolkata)

Offline (The Material World Online Management Journal) Volume-4, No- 5, April 2006

A Simple People Address System

In any group of people there are bound to be people problems- whether- at the heart of it all – our family, the apartment we live in, or in the neighborhood or (last but not the least) our workplace. At the workplace a manager can ignore problems only at his peril.

As an example, someone may be outright lazy while someone may be short fuse by nature. While at a mundane perspective such people can be “poison” to the working environment; on the other hand these descriptions may not be very helpful on the long run when it comes to addressing the problem.

Instead, one should concentrate upon specificities- tangible actions. “Sunil is lazy” should be transformed to “Sunil is normally late while submitting reports and ends up achieving less than his colleague Vineet.

Thus, we have got a starting point and most importantly, something, which can be quantified.

Stage 1

Monitor the problem and check out whether the problem exists at all. Sunil may be delayed on the past couple of occasions for being preoccupied with something, which may have added value to the organization.

Stage 2

Seek his own solutions. However, one needs to be careful not to make personal criticism. The idea shall be to focus on specific events. A good manager can use Stage 2 to motivate the person concerned. He may actually end up pointing out a loophole or two in the existing system (eg. the reporting system which is causing the delay) and/or what’s more… might even suggest a friendlier system.

Stage 3

Analysis of Problem

Good behavior may be “blocked” by negative payoffs. If at home Anil Mehta’s teenager son is frowned upon every time he suggests his father a new savings plan from his favorite mobile service provider Mehta Jr. shall be less inclined to share information/views in the future.

Once the problem has been analyzed the Stage 4 is to find a solution.

Stage 5 is necessary because such plans do not always work. One must continue to monitor the problem and review the progress.

(Credits: G M Blair, Senior Lecturer, and University of Edinburgh, UK; MW Resource Center)

Rajib Kumar, Offline (The Material World Online Management Journal) Volume-4, No- 5, April 2006

Yours-In-Brands

My dear FAIR and LOVELY (ek chand ka tukda), after WIPRO (Applying Thought) so much, I dare to say that you are my TVS SCOOTY (First love) and my AIWA (Pure passion). I always BPL (Believe in the best) and you are SANSUI (Better than the best). You are DOMINO'S PIZZA (Delivering a million smiles) for me. This is a COLGATE ENERGY GEL (Seriously fresh) feeling for me.

I want you to be my life partner but I think you are worried about your father who is KAWASAKI BAJAJ CALIBER (The Unshakable) and my father who is CEAT (Born Tough) but don't worry as I am also FORD ICON (The Josh Machine) and rest of our family members are KELVINATORS (The Coolest ones). If they say no, we will run away and marry and PHILIPS (Let's Make Things Better). They will feel MIRINDA (Zor ka jhatka dhire se lage) but I believe in COCA COLA (Jo chahe ho jaye). For our marriage SAMSUNG DIGITALL (Everyone's Invited) and after marriage we'll be WHIRLPOOL (U and ME - The World's best homemakers) Trust in God who's always NOKIA (Connecting people) who love each other. And we are WILLS (Made for each other). Now that HYUNDAI (we are listening) the song of love, you must know that love is DAIRY MILK (Real taste of life), SATYAM ONLINE (Fun, Fast, Easy) and PARX (Always Comfortable). So never forget me. Ok bye! I wrote little but PEPSI (Yeh dil mange more). LG (Digitally Yours)!!!!!

Offline (The Material World Online Management Journal) Volume-4, No- 4, March 2006
(Sent by Rajat Arora)

Tales of Mindspace & Radio

It is difficult to define a Virtual Team; instead the focus in recent times is to define the extent of virtualness (Bell & Kozlowski 2002 and Griffith & Neale in 2001.)

The success in creating a virtual world depends on how clearly the objectives have been defined and to what extent the process necessary for the accomplishment of the objective has been designed (Norton and Smith, 1997).

Consequently, recent definitions have stressed the omnipresent nature of virtual interactions, pointing out that a pure face-to-face team that does not use any communication technology is rare.

Virtualness diminishes the adverseness geographical distribution has on psychological intimacy.


Barriers to Virtual Teams

Trust and identity are two significant issues for efficient creation and operation of virtual teams.

Identity plays a critical role in communication and yet, when spatial borders separate team members, identity is ambiguous. Basic indicators of personality traits and social roles are harder to identify. Unlike the physical world that consists of matter, the virtual world is composed of information that is diffused over time and space. There is alas no law of the conservation of information.

Along with identity, trust is also a crucial component of cooperative endeavors. Without trust, the management of a virtual organization cannot be conceived (Kimble, Li & Barlow, 2000).

In addition to trust and identity, there are a number of technological hazards that present barriers to success. Virtual teams require multimedia communications incorporating voice, data, text and video. This infrastructure is not always readily available in certain areas or is often cost-prohibitive to the organization.

Even after the difficult selection of appropriate technologies and services has been made, the additional cost in maintaining the system need also be considered. Also, most equipment and software available today has been designed for use in a conventional office, and may not always be adaptable to a virtual environment.

RFID: The Flip Side

In an age of greater supply chain awareness the buzz around RFID (Radio Frequency Identification) is natural but unfortunately, businesses and governments are not the only ones interested in RFID. Civil liberties groups, hackers and criminals are also keenly interested in this new development, albeit for very different reasons. Groups are concerned about RFID technology being used to invade people's privacy; RFID tags enable unethical individuals to snoop on people and clandestinely collect data on them without their knowledge, leave alone approval. For example, RFID-enabled public transit tickets could allow public transit managers to compile a dossier listing all of a person's travels in the past year -- information which may be of interest to the police, divorce lawyers, and others.

A completely different category of threats arises when hackers or criminals cause valid RFID tags to behave in unexpected (and generally malicious) ways. Typically, computer-bound or mobile RFID readers query RFID tags for their unique identifier or on-tag data, which often serves as a database key or launches some real-world activity. For example, when an RFID reader at a supermarket checkout counter reads the tag on a product, the software driving it could add the item scanned to the list of the customer's purchases, tallying up the total after all products have been scanned.

Here is where the trouble starts. Up until now, everyone working on RFID technology tacitly assumed that the mere act of scanning an RFID tag cannot modify back-end software, and certainly not in a malicious way. Unfortunately, they are wrong. Studies have revealed that if certain vulnerabilities exist in the RFID software, an RFID tag can be intentionally infected with a virus and this virus can go on to infect the backend database used by the RFID software. From there it can be easily spread to other RFID tags. No one thought this was possible until now. Designers of RFID systems therefore should take care that they do not end up deploying vulnerable systems.

(Credits: Melanie Rieback, Patrick Simpson, Bruno Crispo, and Andrew Tanenbaum of the Department of Computer Science, Vrije Universiteit Amsterdam)

Rajib Kumar, Offline (The Material World Online Management Journal) Volume-4, No- 4, March 2006

GOSSIP MOST SOUR

I decide to take an evening walk after an interlude. The previously enacted walk at the maidan was hard to come by given a crunch on Huxley’s primary predicament, TIME, so instead I decide to take one en route a professional commitment in the Bowbazar area to the MW head office at Wellington Square. My little adventure was disproportionately dismantled midway by the “everywhere people” – the over enthusiastic two wheeler rider who shoved and shuffled his way into every inch available ahead of him- right, center and left putting me and others aligned to me at risk.

I was finally relocated to the smallest of the small sidewalk, which was in a state of respiratory failure what with a plethora of hawking wares.

The protagonist of the two-wheeler is followed close on the heels by one of Kolkata’s vintage heritage as I am given to understand by many– (add the buzz word:“non-polluting”) – the rickshaw puller (we hear we’ll be ridded of this lifeline or menace- whichever way you are, well err… only to be replaced by a more “modern” A1 version.)

Running neck to neck with him is the cycle van rider shouting on the top of his voice along with his associate behind atop the wares and goods. We hear they do great service to trade & business so you can’t really complain even if you break a bone or two while negotiating with them. It’s larger societal benefit buds…


Cloud Nine Securitas:

The lanky private security guard collects visitor passes from families of patients at a city nursing home but doesn’t know which card to return to whom-well, if you are confused, the fella doesn’t know how to read and write…no kidding (well we are assuming he can’t write as well because if he could he would be reading as writing requires reading while writing).




What Bengal & Greg Thinks Today:

Well even if Greg, he of the Ganguly fame, doesn’t see Banglar dada as international material, the national electronic media sure has a different story to tell when it comes to Bengal & Bengalis:

· ABP has a major stake in STAR TV network which runs STAR News
· CNN-IBN with Rajdeep Sardesai at the helm. Well, Rajdeep’s wife is a Bengali and is a key member of the team.
· Times Now has a Bengali Vice President in P. Dasgupta
· NDTV…we all know the suave bearded doctor.
SSSh…Greg’s watching….

Rajib Kumar, Offline (The Material World Online Management Journal) Volume-4, No- 3, February 2006

Prisoner of The Sun - BY RAJIB KUMAR

How are we supposed to react to Sun’s “undercover” operations executed on one Kkaran Bahree (sure there isn’t that usual often deliberate misspell?)? Hang our heads down in Shame? Yell International conspiracy? Or ask our desi counterparts Tehelka to take it up as an A+ emulative case study?

What is The Sun and its ilk trying to prove? Call centers in India aren’t safe for confiding Britons? Fair enough… except tangible theft executed by ancestors of Oliver Harvey & Co, hadn’t had any The Surya to record & report…. but history is for historians these days…so be it.

This ain’t any supporting document for Bahree…however that’s pronounced or whoever he is…But for heaven’s sake, how does the prick’s ex-public school credentials come into the picture? Is this passing judgment on public school graduates in India? Should we extol the effort in attaining this valuable data given to our education watchers & administrators? Does Harvey & Co have plans to extend their research to public schools in Britain and their brothers in arms in Northern America? My experience with public school goers in that region says that this just might yield results that might be a trifle uncomfortable for Harvey, Craig et al to gulp.

And amigos… the fella’s virginity? Is this some kind of creating the groundwork for a brand new parameter in competency mapping for employees of corporate houses? HR consultants take note. What is The Sun suggesting: hiring henceforth those with THE experience… Validated in varied versions in Britain especially in media and sport bodies? Adherence to the confidentiality clause and virginity…excellent! This investigation shall surely make its readers take The Sun more seriously than ever before…. investigative journalism of the highest order.

And finally, his Brahmin credentials…how are we supposed to interpret that…a guideline for lawmakers in India- a validation of our social justice system a la Mandal by our British brethren? Should not this research be commended? Should we not nominate Messrs Sun to Halls of Fame for fostering the cause of internationalism?

By the way when exactly did national newspapers in Mother India start running syndicated columns of British tabloids (sic) on its first page….


Rajib Kumar, Greater Impacts (Offline Special Editions), Friday, June 24, 2005

Controlling Others For Love And Profit

It’s been said that 80% of the results in business are created by only 20% of the people. While personal success in the 21st Century rests in the ability to become part of that top 20%, managerial success will depend on the ability to inspire, attract, and/or maintain these leaders.

Leadership “Self-Help” books, articles, blogs, keynotes, and workshops abound. Most of these management tools, sales techniques, and relationship strategies, are successful in at least some situations and with certain people. However, the vast majorities miss the point:

All attempts to influence or control others are focused on the wrong person. Leadership Excellence is the “Art of Self-Control.”

Most people would probably agree that self-control is the answer. The problem lies in the individual definition of self-control ...

· Self-control means toughness for some: “I don’t get mad, I get even.”

· For others, it is all about leaving a way out in case something goes wrong: “I don’t have to take this, I’m out of here.”

· For many, self-control is the ability to refrain from hurting people, even when hurt or angry themselves: “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.”

· And for some people, it means to do whatever it takes to keep from upsetting others: “Don’t rock the boat.”

Statements such as these may seem like self-control to many people. In reality, they are all attempts to control others. People justifying these behaviors are either trying to get someone else to do something (such as keeping their commitments), or to prevent them from doing something (such as getting upset).

Unfortunately, whether one is striving to be helpful or self-serving, the only way to ensure success with these tactics is to establish some kind of ‘Position-Power’ over others. Position-Power may be blatant, as when backed up with orders, threats, demands, hysterics, or ultimatums. However, this manipulation can also be demonstrated in more subtle ways, such as by shutting down, backing away, or making outright lies.

Position-Power is the rationalized control of others due to fear.

This can be a fear OF others: “You might hurt me.” However, it can also be an altruistic fear FOR others: “You might hurt yourself.” The bottom line is, whether you are striving to protect yourself or someone else, management by Position-Power itself is nothing more than a Fear-Based knee-jerk reaction designed to control others.

“Position-Power” is a “Fear-Based Reaction”

These terms are synonymous and interchangeable, and both are becoming operatively obsolete. Regardless of the intent, managers using Position-Power to control others are facing increasing resistance. Modern persons in democratic societies do not function under the strict inflexible hierarchy as our ancestors did. In fact, we resent those who control us (or attempt to control us), even when we are told it is for “our own good”. Just ask any teenager.

In the short term, Position-Power can give a business the illusion of effectiveness. However, this Fear-Based environment is now becoming unacceptable for employees with high levels of self-worth. They have found, and will continue to find, better places to work. Those who remain usually see the levels of fear increase in direct proportion to decreased corporate results.

The cycle will continue until excellence and passion are stifled. In a world where innovation and creativity are needed for long-term business success, companies operating within this paradigm cannot flourish. Resentment and resistance ultimately lead to sabotage, diminished results, and even destruction.

People are beginning to realize they are merely creating new problems whenever they justify Fear-Based reactions to challenging or threatening circumstances. Position-Power is losing ground to effective, innovative, and forward thinking leaders.

It is becoming increasingly apparent that positive results will come through leaders … not from them.

The truth is, the reactions of anyone other than yourself, are merely measures of your own effectiveness … or lack thereof. When you become aware of your own negative Fear-Based reactions, it becomes easier to see how you are attempting to control others with actual or implied Position-Power. Instead of focusing on what others are doing wrong, take responsibility for changing yourself. Your leadership will be greatly enhanced.

We are in the midst of a leadership evolution. Leadership based on Position-Power is history. The evolution in leadership will influence our intimate, family, business, community, national, and global affairs. Now is the time to create personal and professional results WITH your life, not just IN your life.

The world has enough victims. We need leaders.

James Rosewell, Quinn, Offline (The Material World Online Management Journal) Volume-4, No- 2, January 2006

Logistics Leadership Musings

Great leaders relish responsibility and accountability. They inspire others and bring out their best, whether on the warehouse/shop floor or in the executive cubicle.

For supply chain mastery Logistics professionals must work across functions within the organization, with business units throughout the company, as well as partners across the supply chain.

Collaborating with supply chain partners and developing innovative solutions from time to time to optimize logistics and supply chain strategy and operations therefore require strong leadership abilities.

According to practicing professionals a good supply chain leader must span boundaries. A successful supply chain manager must not just be armed with domain and IT skills, he must have a high level of social awareness, and at the same time be accommodating and flexible to lead change that transcends boundaries.

While Leadership is required at all levels in an organization, the warehouse floor and the executive suite represent their own challenges. Each environment has its own set of rules and forces, often non-quantifiable. A leader must understand the surroundings and win the hearts and minds of the team. A great leader is able to bring the best out of each person whether on the warehouse floor or in the executive cubicle.

Call this doomsday Prophecy, you may, if you please, companies in the early 21st century may be on the brink of a leadership crisis. With Baby Boomers about to retire in droves, and other potential leaders downsized or demotivated, any clue as to who will replace them?

"Where the next generation of leaders will come from has given many organizations pause, and a renewed interest in leadership development," opines Dr. Carol J. Dell'Amore, director of the National Leadership Institute at the University of Maryland University College, Maryland, US.

While leadership capabilities are important in all business disciplines, the unique challenges in the logistics and supply chain arena make them a critical part for achieving results.

Logistics functionaries today are not just the playing the traditional role of getting the shipment out of company premises but are giving strategic direction to the company. Further, they must take responsibility for the huge investment that goes into the function and maximize ROI by inspiring their organizations to achieve goals. Ideally, they work on both ends of the equation: drive down cost and improve performance and economy, away from the classical view of savings and only savings.

Dell'Amore has identified the following competencies and skills as a core part of leadership:


1. Vision.

2. Inspiration and motivation.

3. Empowerment.

4. Authenticity.


Mike Finley, a retired Rear Admiral in the Supply Corps of the U.S. identifies loyalty, as a leadership trait -something he believes is not that spoken of but is very powerful. Says Finley, “Leaders who are loyal to the organization, the people they work with, and themselves are a valuable commodity. They understand the power that loyalty and integrity bring and the confidence they instill.”

Leaders are infact enablers quite different from traditional managers. William Pagonis, Head of Supply Chain, Sears Roebuck Co says “Managers today need to be a hybrid, serving as both managers and leaders.”

Rajib Kumar, Offline (The Material World Online Management Journal) Volume-4, No- 2, January 2006

Which Manager/Engineer you want to be?

1) Project Manager is a person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in
one month.
2) Construction Manager is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine
babies in one month.
2) Controls Manager is one who asks if the baby is in the budget (and it
saves money to adopt one)
3) Project Engineer is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no
man and woman are available.
4) Section Engineer is a person who thinks it will take 18 months to
deliver a baby.
5) Client is the one who does not know why he wants a baby.
6) Engineering Team is still figuring out how to produce a baby.
7) Procurement Team thinks they do not need a man or woman; it will
produce a child with zero resources.
8) Document Control Group thinks they don't care whether the child is
delivered, they will just document 9 months.
9) Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to
produce a baby.
10) Site Engineer does not care...he just wants the woman!
So.........Pick Your Choice!!!

Offline (The Material World Online Management Journal) Volume-3, No- 8, May 2005

Functional Fixations

ASTROLOGY: tells us about you and your future simply by your birthday. The Chinese Zodiac uses the year of your birth. Demographics tell us what you like, dislike, whom you vote for, what you buy, and what you watch on TV. Well, the Corporate Zodiac goes a step further: simply by your job title, people will have you all figured out...
MARKETING: You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in college, concentrating instead on drinking and socializing, which is pretty much what your job responsibilities are now. Least compatible with Sales.
SALES: Laziest of all signs, often referred to as "marketing without a degree," you are also self-centered and paranoid. Unless someone calls you and begs you to take their money, you like to avoid contact with "customers" so you can "concentrate on the big picture." You seek admiration for your golf game throughout your life.
TECHNOLOGY: Unable to control anything in your personal life, you are instead content to completely control everything that happens at your workplace. Often even YOU don't understand what you are saying, but who the hell can tell?! It is written that the geeks shall inherit the Earth.
ENGINEERING: One of only two signs that actually studied in school, it is said that ninety percent of all personal ads are placed by engineers. You can be happy with yourself: your office is typically full of all the latest "ergodynamic" gadgets. However, we all know what is really causing your "carpal tunnel"...
ACCOUNTING: The only other sign that studied in school, you are mostly immune from office politics. You are the most feared person in the organization; combined with your extreme organizational traits, the majority of rumors concerning you say that you are completely insane.
MIDDLE MANAGEMENT/DEPARTMENT MANAGEMENT/"TEAM LEADS": Catty, cut-throat, yet completely spineless, you are destined to remain at your current job for the rest of your life. Unable to make a single decision you tend to measure your worth by the number of meetings you can schedule for yourself. Best suited to marry other "Middle Managers," as everyone in your social circle is a "Middle Manager."
SENIOR MANAGEMENT: Catty, cut-throat, yet completely spineless, you are destined to remain at your current job for the rest of your life. Unable to make a single decision you tend to measure your worth by the number of meetings you can schedule for yourself. Best suited to marry other "Senior Managers," as everyone in your social circle is a "Senior Manager."
CUSTOMER SERVICE: Bright, cheery, positive, you are a fifty-cent cab ride from taking your own life. As a child very few of you asked your parents for a little cubicle for your room and a headset so you could pretend to play "Customer Service."

Offline (The Material World Online Management Journal) Volume-2, No-1, October 2003