For Germany, For English's Sake

New Euro Language in the works"The European Union commissioners have announced that an agreement has beenreached to adopt English as the preferred language for Europeancommunications, rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British government conceded that Englishspelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phasedplan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).

In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c". Sertainly,sivil servants will resieve this news with joy.

Also, the hard "c" will be replased with "k". Not only will this klear upkonfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when thetroublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f". This will make words like"fotograf" 20 per sent shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted toreach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have alwaysben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the languag isdisgrasful, and they would go.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such asreplasing "th" by "z" and "w" by "v".

During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining"ou", and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations ofleters.Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zeyvunted in ze forst place. Sieg Heil!"

(Sent by Rajesh Poddar, Offline Humor, Vol 1, No 2, July 2006)

Of Love & Jargons

A Professor at one of the IIM's was explaining marketing concepts to his Students: -

1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" - That's Direct Marketing

2. You’re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: "He’s very rich. Marry him." - That's Advertising

3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day, you call and say: "Hi, I’m very rich. Marry me." - That's Telemarketing
4. You’re at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car) for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then say: "By the way, I’m rich. Will you marry me?" - That's Public Relations

5. You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says: "You are very rich! Can you marry me?" - That's Brand Recognition

6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. - That's Customer Feedback

7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband. - That's demand and supply gap

8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say anything, another person come and tells her: "I’m rich. Will you marry me?" And she goes with him. - That's competition eating into your market share

9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say: "I'm rich, Marry me!" your wife arrives. - That's restriction for entering new markets

(Sent by Kavitha Raman, NSE, Offline Humor, Vol 1, No 2, July 2006)